I think that something is learned every year when November rolls around and I pound out a novel of 50,000 words or more. Well, let's be honest. I've never written exactly 50,000 words. I'm always the overacheiver when it comes to writing. The first lesson was that I could finish something. The second lesson was that I could do it more than once. The third lesson was a little more complicated. Love hurts. The fourth lesson has been kinda strange. I'm not even sure I know how to put it.
Every time I finish something and go back and reread it, I notice things I do that I don't like. I use the phrase "don't worry" entirely too much. This is because my characters are essentially trying to tell me not to worry about what I'm writing; they know what they're doing. I also use the word just with an almost disturbing frequency. I don't know why. I don't mind so much in November. "I just don't know" is a word longer than "I don't know." There are other technical things that I do poorly, but I know I'm not good at the nuts and bolts of writing. I never took a grammar course. What I know of it has been garnered from regular English classes, mostly way back in the ninth grade. I do not know what a dangling participle is and am inclined to let it do whatever it wants anyway. But that's a tangent. I'm prone to do that. Keep an eye on me about that. I can be tricky.
Back to NaNoWriMo and Pale. I've made no secret of the fact that I didn't like Pale while I was working on it. No, I haven't gone back to read it. Honestly, I'm afraid to. I'm afraid the lesson has yet to be taught.
You see, I think over what I've written, and yes, I recall in large chunks what I wrote, if not word for word than close and I certainly retain the feel (part of the reason I've been so good at my current job, too). And in thinking over the story, I see things I did well. I never once flat out said any of the characters had psychic powers except in Ethan's retelling of the incident that caused the rain to start. I think the subtle way these things worked themselves into the story work very well. You might not notice it, but nearly all the main characters have psychic powers. In fact, one of them isn't really even human, although that's less obvious and will bear fleshing out in another draft.
I also like the way that Ethan grew less coherent towards the end while Honor got more coherent. I could make it more pronounced once I get some more research on autism done. I like the way a lot of the things in the dream world reflect Ethan's ideal reality. There are little touches all over that are quite nice.
All of which makes me nervous about reading it. Because if I read it, I know I will want to edit. I know that I will find myself facing one of the last lessons I really need as a writer. Editing is good for you. I am not prepared for this.
I intend to try my hand at editing the fables that have gone up in my LJ this year and putting them together for publication through Lulu. It's been quite some time since I've looked at most of those, and I think I have a decent distance from them. I still need to type the one, finish the other two, print those out, decide whether or not to include the Wind Horse story as it's the only one that strayed from the Native American culture, decide whether the one I have at the end is worth including because it really comes at the end of Once and may be too confusing and little things like that.
Editing scares me. It shouldn't. I edited The Color of Death before I submitted it to PP. It didn't take much to fix small things. A bit of clunky dialogue cut. A overly narrative paragraph reworded. Song lyrics removed. I think I really could use a reader, but I don't know anyone who has the time or desire or that I trust. I don't need someone to squee and tell me how cool my writing is. I don't need someone to tell me it sucks. I need someone who can say this doesn't work and this is why and in a manner that won't make me feel an inch tall. I don't take critizism well. Probably because most of what I've gotten has been less than constructive. And I have a tendency to ask why too often. I need input to justify my instincts. Sounds weird, but then, I am weird.
So that's what I take from this NaNoWriMo. I need to not be afraid of the editing beast. Does this mean I'll try NaNoEdMo in March? I doubt it because I don't really know how to quantify editing work. 50 hours may be too much editing. It may be too little. Besides, I want to spend time writing as well. And reading and goofing off. I have difficulty committing my time to just one thing like that. Besides, I don't consider editing a very creative thing. I need to create.
What I really need to do is quit my job so I'll have more time to do all the creating and editing I want. I need to start playing poker or something. May we have our lottery now? May I win gobs of money now? Please?
